What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:36
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was 9 years of age.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What are some examples of unofficial acts by presidents?
Who then, do I blame.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But, we were locked up after school.
What are the pros and cons of arranged marriages?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One cannot live in the past .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
All the time i was locked up.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Can you name an example of bad parenting?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But it wasn’t much.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
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We all went to grammer schools
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why do nice guys rarely or never win?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
This is soul school!.
Why is Nickelback known to be a bad band?
I said to her
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I think the readers, may guess!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Put me off passion for life!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was very sick at this time too.
I don,t even have a pension.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Was to survive, this bastard.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i lived it daily.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We were not on the streets..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I write beautiful poetry .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He resisted the act ,that day.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I have no regrets .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Would this be the day?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Comes on , in middle age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Ive learnt so much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He knew the spot.
She loved him until the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She married twice! .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Especially a lifetime of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She wouldn,t have been !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When she asked me how she looked .
My life is so biszare .
So, i spoilt her more .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
What did i know ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
It was going to be , some day.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I will be 64.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I waited trembling.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.